Wednesday, 6 December 2017



I am at the  shore, feeding my senses with the breeze that encapsulates a forceful weight of cold, shock, heat and inmost mayhem. I am feeling like the breeze had teleported me to the space, for I can no longer feel my legs, my hair, even my heart. But, I have never been to the space before, I just know I had lost all my sense of stimuli, the only thing I can feel is hurt. I am moving towards the sea, if only the sea can drown my tears without taking me away, or if it could wash away my hurt and I still live to breath, how glad and what fortuitousness would I record again like I’m just coming anew to the world. Just that ‘L’acte est fait’, to mean “the deed is done.”

‘J’adore le francais’ (I love French). I was the only one in my family that could speak four different languages fluently, and French was my favourite. There was no one whom I could communicate with using French. I love it because I could talk to myself, calm myself, encourage myself and love myself in French. I had dreamt of marrying a French man, just before I could spit it out, my dad had warned my elder sister against loving a man outside our tribe. I would be waking a sleeping lion thinking I could actually marry a French man. And besides, I love ‘mon pere,’ I can’t disobey him. I still love the thought being an infatuation, it’s like the gratification of just perceiving the smell of my coffee.

Now that I feel the serenity and the protracted quietness of the sea, I now can recall for the first time how it all started, and when I do, I will afterwards vindicate myself if I’m worthy, or accept my blame if otherwise, and maybe move on if I can or I drown myself in the sea. 'Periode!'

I wrote my final WASSCE paper March 21, 2009. And just like my name Joy Jacobs. I was joyous that I could finally join my siblings in the university. I envisaged an unfettered life. Not a decadent living, I am guided by good principles from the best-selling book of all time, with over five billion copy sold. I am an intrepid follower of it, and I know I can’t be misguided following it. But here I am, astray and battered.


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